I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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