Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
