Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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