You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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