i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
