my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
