Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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