I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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