Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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