I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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