The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
