we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
