Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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