hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
