His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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