One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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