My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like, not good at living.
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