Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
