It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
