your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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