Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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