get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
