I swear she didn't look like that last week.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
