Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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