I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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