My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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