I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
