dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
