I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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