please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
