shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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