is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
