I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
