The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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