that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
