i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
