Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
