Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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