I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
