yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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