I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
