dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
