so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
