But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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