I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
