Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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