If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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