So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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