I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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