I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
