I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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