so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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