Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
