so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
