my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
