listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My feet surprised me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
