Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
