I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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