I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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