Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
