Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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