CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
