Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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