i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
