so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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