I am puke
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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