Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
