I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When did angry sex become our thing?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
