Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
