hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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