i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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