I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My cat gives me a boner
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
