There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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