It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
