If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's get the cat blown out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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