i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
