You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
