I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
