I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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