He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
